oooohh shakypants.

well, tosser retaliated, and i'm so scared there's a dark yellow liquid running down my sweatpants.
the words of terror are as follows:
Looky here, whore. I'll make a movie about you and post it on the interwebs.

Your next post had better consist of an essay, retracting all of your previous libel, followed by an in-depth discussion of how incredibly awesome I am.

In order not to receive any further horrible taunts, I submit this for your approval.

Tosser is the greatest. Of course, choosing to be named after the homosexual practice of eatin' ass would appear to make him a puff, but this is rather a clever disguise to show how abundantly tolerant he his of the alternative livin folk. I imagine he's secretly a democrat.

Tosser is masked because I once beat the shit out of him with a branch from a tree in his front yard (make a video of that). Of course, this was simply tosser showing that being passive is the way to gain hearts and minds, not in a drunken, incoherent manner as I displayed.

Tosser is a man of good judgment, high standards, and above all - generosity. What's best is that he chooses to show the exact opposite - because he doesn't want to make us poor folks feel bad.

What a guy.

it's been a while

but i suppose i'll try to be back for a bit.

i'm depressed today, i planned a beautiful s soliloquy from olaf (the destroyer) on how life has gotten him in the dumps with it's constant need to make money and what not, and now he rarely has the time for bashing animals.

unfortunately i can't remember olaf's login, so scratch that idea.

now herald my return with insults. suggested topics: gayety, tiny genitals (yours or mine), general unpleasantness, assholery, or list your grievances.

lost nuts.

apparently tosser has lost his gumption (and by gumption i mean nutty-nutts) to pose any significant form of retaliation.

cue finger-pointing, jeers, and laughter at tosser's expense.

a change in format.

it's been a while since i been o'updatin.

i've decided to change things around a bit. no longer with the racist pseudo-intellectual quips - i'm changin' to a more positive message like.

reflectin' on me 'eritage (eh the'tosser i'believe)- i'm launchin'like u'tirty-tu part series which'll-be-kalt "the golten lasses o'de emrald isle"

we'll be fuckusin' ona particlar lass what hails from each county o'our great land.

en part one'o'our series we'll be payin' tribute to-a luvley lass from donegal county: kelly kavanaugh.

kelly's a'uh hearty lass o'sturdy stock. strong as an ox she is - and almost as smart. 'quipped wit'o fine senseote hooomor - she's bringin laffter and merriment into all doorway's she'kin squeeze trough (no'like those horrible gaulic lasses with deir eatin'o'te froglegs). she wurks in the blackstone's sausage factory as'uh pigcharmer. she's of the sign pieces - and if that means summot to'ya damned be yoo an'yeroushold yu'jayzus hatin' harlots!

so all, raise yur'pints ta'da mose beautiful lass in all of donegal county - kelly kavanaugh.

a quote i enjoyed.

a lot of my life decisions were made at a foghat concert. i stand by them.

soy un predador

i killed 155 people the other day in one match of halo.

i'm officially a loser.

iLike

So, here's a fun little thing to do.
turn on your iPod / iTunes / mp3 player - anything that can randomly select songs for you.
pick the first song you want to listen to - then let the other 24 come naturally. post your favorite line from each song that popped up (no cheating). you're allowed to skip up to, but no more than 3 songs. please list what was skipped.
i've imposed a no two artists limit on myself - so if an artist pops up who has already come along - i'll skip the song. naturally this is optional.

props to those who can guess what song each line comes from.

1. "To tear apart the ties that bind, perhaps fuck off might be too kind"
2. "Lean back, stare up at the ceiling, I just drift along with no focus or meaning"
3. "I said you messed up my happy home, Made me mistreat my only child"
4. "I've got a good job / And I'm newly born. You should see me dressed up in my uniform."
5. "Did you come here to play Jesus?"
6. "Won't you kiss me on a midnight street / sweep me off my feet"
7. "As I drove away slowly, feeling so holy, God knows, I was feeling alive."\
8. "You know you ran away from your home, baby / And now you wanna run away from old B. too"
9. "Whenever I'm alone with you / you make me feel like I'm clean again"
10. "Lord thank you"
11. "Now we're falling apart - we're just walking in the park"
12. "H-bomb the only thing that will bring a freedom to life / Underneath blue skies beautiful empty dying / Nagasaki dolls are burning"
13. "Is there nothing you'd not do with a drink in you?"
14. "I was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me"
15. "When I offer you survival - you say it's hard enough to live."
16. "Through the streets, Every corner abandoned too soon, Set down with due care."
17. "You are the son of a mother fucker."
18. "Do you find this happens all the time - crucial point one day becomes a crime"
19. "Might as well stay at home and drink until we pass out again. Then drink some more when the morning comes."
20. "I might walk home alone ......But my faith in love is still devout"
21. "Of all the many ways a man will break his heart, Well there ain't none meaner than he pulls his own apart"
22. "Tell her she can kiss my ass, then laugh and say that you were only kidding.
That way shell know that its really, really, really, really me."
23. "With my lighnin’ bolts a glowin’ / I can see where I am go-goin’ / You better look out below!
24. "She should have stood out in the crowd / She should have made her mother proud"
25. "Tomorrows another day / you stay / I may as well play"

if you asshats don't do one of these i'll be crestfallen.